August 25, 2010

I really need to disconnect from the Internet...

Warning: There are some nasty slurs in this post and harsh language.

I was having a talk with my best friend the other day and we decided that there are times in my life when I really just need to get away from technology for a while because it only leads to making me a very irritated person.

I saw this conversation the other day on a friends Facebook regarding the Mosque at ground zero...

Those stupid towelheads are tryin to put a mosque as a sign of victory right on ground zero where over 3,000 americans died. Thats basically like spittin right on there graves. How dare the president of our country endorse such a thing. Well I'll tell you this much the only way those fuckin towelheads will ever put a mosque near the hallowed ground zero is over my dead body. OORAH!

And a friend of his replies...

FUCK YEAH!!!!! Those fucking sand niggers are gonna be hurtin. fuck them if they think building their bull shit is gonna work, guarantee they put it up i dont give it long before we blow it up. hopeufully during service, might as well get em all, SEMPER FI!!!!!!!

The conversation goes on and on but I thought I would chop it down a bit. 

This is one example of a conversation between two grown adults in the United States over this issue. 


Really Y'all. 

This is what American Patriotism has come down to? Not only am I ashamed, but I'm embarrassed and furious that someone has enough gall to talk this way about a religion and culture that they clearly don't understand. I'm also terrified because the two people holding this discussion are members of our military. 

Here is another article which supports my opinion of the's written a bit more eloquently then the opposing views I have presented above.

Inshallah, God willing, one day soon we will all be able to laugh at this controversy and hold each other close regardless of our religions or cultures. But until then I will always fight for equality and justice. After all the first Amendment to the constitution states, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof". And that seems pretty clear to me what we need to do. 

August 7, 2010

For Jen

I know that just now the anger you feel is blinding. I know you feel betrayed, and let down. I was lucky that my anger happened when I was thousands of miles away. I could wallow in my own pool of anger and depression with little interaction with others. I could pretend in the day to be fine and break down every night. But no one I knew and loved had to witness it because I was gone. I know am so grateful for the distance because I was able to repair myself without letting other people see Sarah at Rock Bottom.

People, and God only knows why, tend to view me as a motherly, strong, calm person. However, when I was at my worst none of this was true. I am thankful for my friend Raina I met while abroad was always there for me when I just needed to cry at 3 am, or be there for me when I just couldn't get to sleep. I tell her all the time that I couldn't have done it without her. She picked up the gelatinous blob that was "Sarah" and pushed me back together.

I'm sorry that you have to do this here with everyone watching. I wish I could give you 3 months in a land far far away to get better. (Notice how I didn't say heal. 3 months wont heal anything completely. But it at least lets you get a scab in place)

When it comes down to it you are also in a much better place because you have some thing that I never had, close friends and family nearby to support you. You know that no matter what I will be here for you. Even when you do get me mad. I love you to the ends of the Earth and will support you if/when you need it. If you need a 3 am cry session come find me! You know where I sleep.

I know this sucks. I know exactly what you are feeling. But I also want you to know that that pressure that you have been feeling pushing down on you will go away. It takes awhile but eventually it vanishes.

I used to count "good days". A Good Day was a day I made it with out breaking down. Meaning a day I didn't cry, didn't hide in my room, and didn't yell. It didn't mean a day I didn't think about it. Because I still think about everything every day. And I still get sad. And I still get angry. And I still miss her. But a good day was a day I felt in control of myself and my feelings.

Eventually my good days went to good weeks. And at some point I didn't need to count any more.

But it's hard. And it sucks. And there are still times when I get teary eyed when I talk about everything. But I know now that I am in control. And that things will be okay.

I love you Cue Tip!